I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
