Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
