I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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