Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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