Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
