whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
