i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
