you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
