my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
