Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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