somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize