I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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