Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
