So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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