she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I could fuck to npr.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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