guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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