I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
