You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
