you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
