Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
