So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
