rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
