my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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