this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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