I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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