I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
