I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
