i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize