no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
