how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize