so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
