No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
