They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
