the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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