You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
