Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
