If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
