She's JV to your varsity
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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