I could make wine with my vomit
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
