I cockslap morals
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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