I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
