so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
