He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I believe in your delicious
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
