i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
