All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
