One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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