Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
