Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
