My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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