The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
