My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
