We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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