So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
