Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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