Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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