Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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