She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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