I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you win again, gameday.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize