I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
