I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
