Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
