Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
