Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
