why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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