I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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