Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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