So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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