It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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