I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
