So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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