Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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