smell my finger.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize