I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
