Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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