so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
