I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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