I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
