My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize