so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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