Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Randomize
