Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
