Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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