doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
