The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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