just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
