I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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