I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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