Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
