the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Acid is not a monday night drug
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
