Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
