Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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