all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
