i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
