why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
