When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
