too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
