oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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