the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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