I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
