im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
