Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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