it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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