I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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