I skipped work to stalk him.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
