That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she peed on how many people?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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