He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
