You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
