Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
