i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
