Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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