Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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