also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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