I think im going to throw up on grandma
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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