I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
