Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
