eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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