I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
