id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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